Illinois Honesty

   For the first time since I was thirteen, I found myself unemployed. It was time to reap the benefits of years and years of payroll deductions.

   Signing up was easy. Everything was done online and the questions were as straightforward as they could be. The only problem was figuring how many days and weeks I’d worked for my last employer. I’d been there 42 years.

   My application was approved in short order and soon I knew my benefits. They certainly weren’t as much as I’d been making during my working years but more than I was making at the time. All I had to do was certify every other Tuesday.

   The first certification day came but the online process didn’t go well. The entire Illinois Department of Unemployment Security (IDES) website was down and stayed down most of the morning. Eventually, I was able to log on and that’s when the trouble started.

   Most of the questions were easy but the one that put me in a moral quandary asked if I’d looked for work. My first thought was to say yes but that would be a lie. I had an old building to clean out and there was no time to look for work. I opted to tell the truth and clicked the “NO” button. Surely they’d understand. Three days later I got a letter from IDES saying they rejected my certification because I wasn’t actively seeking work. Apparently, they didn’t understand.

   The letter went on to say that I should call a certain phone number at 2 p.m. the following Tuesday and tell them why I wasn’t looking for work. Surely they’d understand when I explained my circumstances. I called at the appointed time and listened to a 4½ -minute recorded message explaining the processes I’d already gone through, only to be told all operators were busy and to try later. Then the line went dead. I called again and again with the same result. Calling early in the morning and late in the afternoon didn’t matter. I listened to the same message over and over until the line went dead yet again. Yes, I can repeat the same message verbatim.

   The letter also said I had to call by a certain date after which there would be no recourse. I tried several times that day but still everyone was busy. Yeah, they were busy ignoring me. Finally, I called a different department and asked if they could help. “Sure”, the nice lady said, “I can help you with that.”

   When I explained my situation, she said she couldn’t help me because I wasn’t actively seeking work. Only those actively looking for employment are eligible for payments.

   “I was only trying to be honest,” I said dejectedly.

   “I know.” she replied, “If only you’d said you had made a mistake and hit the wrong button, I could get your payment out right away. That’s what lots of people do.”

   Wait. What was she trying to tell me? If I tell her it was a mistake will she catch me in a lie and permanently deny my claims? Was she coaching me on what to do? I had nothing to lose.

   Tentatively, I said, “Okaaaaay, I made a mistake and hit the wrong button.”

   “You’ll have your payment Wednesday,” she replied.

   The moral of the story:  Honesty is the best policy, except in Illinois.